If Cats Had Money How Would They Spend It?

Everyone dreams about winning the lottery, stumbling upon a cavern of buried treasure, or inheriting a large sum of pocket change. Well, surprise surprise, us cats think about this stuff too. Sure we may pretend to rely on our human parents for both the necessities and luxuries we have grown accustomed to having every day. But that doesn’t mean we don’t daydream about the day when we are overnight gazillionaires.

And if (I mean when) the day comes that we would acquire such wealth, what exactly would a cat do with it? We are simple creatures after all—the finer things in life are not needed to be happy.

Who am I kidding?! There are loads of things the cat population would do, buy, and enjoy should any of them come into some serious dough. Here is what I (and I venture to guess most of my feline friends) would do if we had money.

Build a Vault of Catnip

Picture the old Ducktales cartoon. Uncle Scrooge taking a swan dive into a giant vault made of gold. A cat with money? Replace that blissful swim in a giant vat of gold to one filled entirely with catnip. I dare say it would be heaven on earth…or at least as close to it as one could possibly get.

Retire to a Life of Leisure

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A cat with money would spare no expense for the finest clothes, wine, foods, treats, and creature comforts the world has to offer. Of course, most of us are busy with our full-time jobs entertaining humans and taking care of the humble abode (hey someone has to do it). Not that we don’t enjoy it, but it can get tiresome after a while. We deserve a little vacay too right? We know you agree. If money were of no concern, chances are we would retire to a life of leisure, and hire some help to take over the daily grind. Which brings me to the next item on the must-do list…

Hire Some Help

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Nouveau riche cat? Now is a good time to invest in some home help. One of those docile dogs is a perfect assistant to take over the house duties—just make sure to let the brute know who’s the boss from day one. Plus the humans seem to like the slobbery lugs so they will at least be mildly entertained by them, despite the obvious lack of intelligence and witty sense of humor.

Rid the World of all Laser Beams

It is our way of giving back. Cats are compassionate after all. If we won the lottery, one of the first things we would do is use a giant chunk of that money to buy out the world’s supply of laser beams. Once we know we have them all, we would dispose of those evil lasers and rid the world of them once and for all.

Pay Pet Parents For All Litter Box and Cat Treat Expenses Incurred

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Pet parents have made quite an investment in our health and wellbeing over the years. It is only fitting that, should we come into a sum of money, we use some of it and give back to the hands that feed us. It would be our way of saying thanks for all the love and kindness over the years.

Just kidding! Sure we may throw them a bone or two, or whatever the humans like to eat. But really, we would just want to use the money to buy a lifetime supply of gourmet cat treats.

Other than this wish list, since cats are so humble by nature, I believe a new life of wealth would not change us that much. After all, a nice family, well-mannered humans, and a constant flow of love and attention is all we really need. It is the simple things in life, my friends. It is always the simple things.